Vancouver British Columbia is loved by most but joked about often. If you are looking for the best list of Vancouver puns, or jokes about Vancouver, you will find them all here. Vancouver’s hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks also have its own section of Vancouver Canucks Jokes. The poor team just cannot compete with the number of Stanley Cups that other teams have won.
After you read these Vancouver Jokes, hop on over and read these Canada Jokes as well! If you are looking for something a little less funny, there are these Canada quotes for your Instagram captions.
If you use these jokes and puns online I would love if you would tag me @uncoveringbc so I can laugh along with you!
Vancouver Puns
What does an East Van kid get for Christmas? A West Van kid’s bike
If you can’t get laid in Chilliwack there is always Hope.
What did Victoria say to Vancouver? I’ll BC-ing you later.
More Vancouver Jokes
Years ago there was a terrible murder in Surrey where the sons killed the dad and tried to get rid of the body by cremating him in a pizza oven (true story)… Anyhow apparently the dad was a large Hawaiian.
What’s the capital of Australia? Whistler British Columbia
A young blonde Surrey girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the sea.
As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. “You’re not thinking of jumping, are you babe?” he asked.
“Yes, I am.” replied the sobbing girl.
Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. “Look, nothing’s worth that. I’ll tell you what; I’m sailing off for Alaska tomorrow. Why don’t you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I’ll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I’ll look after you if you look after me – if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won’t be found”.
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next few weeks, the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.
Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.
The girl came clean, “I’ve stowed away to get to Alaska. One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he’s screwing me.”
The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied, “He certainly is. This is the ferry to the Swartz Bay.”
What’s the difference between Yogourt and Vancouver? Yogourt has culture.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Surrey? They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
What is the most popular car in Richmond? The courtesy car
Why do the HWY 1 signs say Hope? No one would intentionally go to Surrey.
More Vancouver Jokes: You know you are in Vancouver When
You make well over $100 000 and you still cannot find a nice place to live.
You would never dream of crossing a picket line.
You curse those damn tourists – but always stop to help a cute person who is looking puzzled at a city map.
You own an expensive Gore-Tex mountaineering jacket and wear it 90% of the time.
You run the risk of being trampled by all the running clubs out at 8am on a Sunday morning.
You have a very strong opinion about bike lanes.
You are used to explaining to non-Canadians why you don’t speak french.
You are familiar with all of the different types of rain.
An American store opening in town is still a big deal.
Vancouver Canucks Jokes
The Vancouver Canucks are the team everyone loves to hate. Even Vancouverites love to hate the Canucks when they are not winning. Here you will find the best Vancouver Canucks jokes to tell your friends the next time you are watching hockey together.
So Vancouver Starbucks is offering a special Canucks-brand coffee eh? It doesn’t come with a cup.
My wife was about to put my son in a Canucks jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard!
What do you the Vancouver Canucks and the Titanic have in common? They both look good until they hit the ice.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store. They put a Canucks jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why don’t the Canucks drink tea? Because the Canadiens and the Red Wings have all the cups!
What do I ad the Vancouver Canucks have in common? We will both be watching the Stanley Cup playoffs next week!
Did you hear that Vancouver’s hockey team doesn’t have a website? They cant string three W’s together
Why are the Vancouver Canucks like Canada Post? They both wear uniforms but don’t deliver.
More Vancouver Travel Resources
Do you live in Vancouver or are planning a visit? Check out these other posts!
30 Instagram Spots in Vancouver
99 Things to do in British Columbia
Lindsay Nieminen is the creator of UncoveringBC.com. She grew up and still lives in the suburbs of Vancouver with her family. She aims to inspire inform, and educate others about traveling in her home province of British Columbia. She is also the creator of carpediemourway.com which aims to show parents how to seek out adventure at home or abroad, with their children in tow!
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